The Art of Awkwardness - Part 2?

Talking about relationships, or potential relationships to someone you isn't exactly close to you, is pretty weird. But it's pure awkward when that person you are talking to, is your boss.

Fair enough, my boss is an okay person. He understands things about people my age that you wouldn't expect someone of his age to know. He gets that people these days are just utter idiots, and that some of them just have no manners what so ever and the only way to fight back is to literally fight back verbally and physically if it comes down to it.

But today, the conversation we had between the both of us in the kitchen made me feel a bit awkward. He asked the simplest question, "Do you like someone?", like the douchebag I am, I'm not entirely sure about the "like" part of that question. So I told him, "maybe". There's a fine line between liking someone and knowing the most you can be is friends. I think I've finally come to that point where I can't tell the difference between the two anymore, and to the point where I honestly don't give two shits about relationships anymore. Sure I dream about it, but at the same time, I dont need a man to define who I am and what I'm going to do in life. Yes, it all sounds cliche and dumb, but I think (and this doesn't apply to every couple), that the only reason people become couples, is for the label. So that they can flaunt and boast about it to their friends that they have a "boyfriend" or in banging my "girlfriend" or make some lousy excuse why they can't come out tonight because their "boyfriend" doesn't want them going to too late at night. BULLSHIT!

I think it's difficult for anyone to find a good balance between friends and boy/girl friend. Most couples either fight because they aren't spending enough time with each other, or they are spending TOO much time with each other that they become possessive. Or the boy/girl friend doesn't like his girl/boy friends best friend. PLEASE! I don't get it? I find no reason for anyone to be jealous of someones best friend. People these days!

My second revelation?

I tend to have a lot of these revelations, and I dont know why. But recently I have been feeling a lot nicer and generous to people these days. Someone told me, that when they first met me, they thought I was very humble and kind, and as time grew between our friendship I suddenly grew out of my shell and exposed myself more to our relationship. The first thing I thought was, wow, people actually think I'm a kind and humble person and the second thing was, I wonder if i am think this way to everyone?

It kind of struck me yesterday that I've changed, and for the better. Alright so, at uni, we have this impossible lecturer, who I think is very lazy, inconsistent and unorganized. Anyway, he sets us this task to complete six sheets from a total of nine. And well he cancels one of the sheets, and doesn't bother to put up the remaining sheets to complete the compulsory six. Fair enough he has a lot on his plate, but thats not the point. So, pretty much days before the due date everyone is swapping answers and worksheets to complete the six, which was later reduced to five compulsory sheets. I feel everyone's pain, these sheets were NOT easy. You couldn't finish them in a day like some people intended to do. So pretty much, I offered to give my sheets to people who really needed them. Knowing me, I would have only offered one or two questions, or lie and say I didn't do the sheet they require. But this time, I loaned them the entire assignment, asking for nothing in return, just that they go to sleep early. Kinda strange isn't it?

There have been other incidents where I've been really nice to people who dont really necessarily deserve it, and situations where I've sort of become that shoulder to lean on. But I think the main source to all this kindness and generosity comes from my Resource Sustainability unit in uni.

In Resource Sustainability we learn about global warming, how it impacts on the planet and on human existence, invasive species, water, alternative sources to generate electricity, Al Gore and The Inconvienent Truth, blah blah blah. So I figure, it's not too long before something like that 2012 movie actually comes true. Maybe it will happen in 2012, maybe next year, maybe in the next decade, who knows? So my resolution is that, if something like that were to happen, why not make the most of my life now. There is no point in living your life in depression and misery claiming your life is worth nothing and that you're gonna die anyway, why live life to your full potential when your just gonna die. Honestly, thats a load of bull. Think about it ... your sixty years old, living in a nursing home, all alone. You can't walk, you need someone to carry you to the bathroom every time you need to pee, because you can't do it by yourself. You need to be spoonfed mashed up food because you don't have enough energy left in you to constantly chew and swallow. You at your photo album, old polaroid photos showing you on your first, second, third birthdays. And it keeps going until you reach twenty or so. You try to remember why has my life all of a sudden stopped? Then it hits you, it was because you spent your life from that point on hating on the world and yourself. Thinking, why can I not get a boy/girlfriend? Why can I never get a job? Why can't I ever make any friends? Why does my life suck so much? You start tearing up thnking about how stupid you were for thinking that way. Half your life gone down the drain thinking about how miserable life was and how lazy you were to make a difference; to actually do something with your life.

I definitely do not want to live my life that way. I figure, if I can help one person, just one. My life is on the right track. In anyway possible, emotional, physical, even environmental. Yesterday I yelled at my sister for having her laptop on whilst her other computer was on, and the fact that she never turns off the lights when she leaves a room.

I personally do want to become an environmentalist. Maybe not to the extreme where I become a vegan and what not. I'd love to travel around the world helping to build insurance populations of endangered animals and help to get rid of invasive/pest species. Living in a solar panelled house, with a backyard filled with native plants. Making my own compost. Three dogs running around in the backyard. Water tanks eveywhere. I think I'm getting ahead of myself now =P.