A LOT has been happening since my last, last post. Don't really like to dwell on it much, but pretty much been holding back emotions and feelings about a certain situation. Again don't like to actually dwell on it. When it comes to situations like this, where you want others to be happy over yourself, is there a line to draw when you've made everyone's elses dreams come true but not your own? I mean, how much can one person give and give to others and nothing happens in return to them? Is it selfish of me to think like that?
Theres only so much one person can hide their emotions, and when the other has reached their full happiness, there's only so much one can take to see how happy the other is. Don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm happy but I'm jealous, of their happiness.
I feel lonely most of the time, yeah your thinking what about your friends? Sometimes even they can't fill the void in me that longs for some sort of happiness. I think I'm making it worse in a way, by continually egging it on, knowing it hurts me. I have that little glimmer of hope though, that someday, it'll be me. Yet that light is slowly dying down to a mere speck.
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