Never too late

HELLO =)

It has been a while since I last decided to post anything on my blog, purely because things kept getting in the way. Or purely in my case, because I was lazy. But some recent stuff has happened that I need to highlight.

Apart from the ever so short four month holiday, I have started uni =(, *boo hoo* I know. It hasn't even been two weeks yet and I'm already complaining about everything, from travelling to textbooks to lecturers. Don't know if its just me, but I've said this so many times, it's seems as though its been implanted in peoples minds that I really just want to quit. The fact this is my last year does prompt me to finish this year off and work for as long as I want, but its the overall feeling of continuous study that I am dreading. I simply do not enjoy it anymore, as with everything else, the people, my friends are the ones that I'm enduring one more year of turmoil for because I simply cannot handle the stress and workload of university life sometimes. I really don't understand how people can withstand being in university, actually, how people can stand studying for so many years in a row! Half of our lives are spent studying and I'm not saying I don't appreciate the education that is given to me, I'm very fortunate for that indeed. I think at this moment in time, I've come to the realisation that I'm growing up and will be getting a proper full-time job, moving out, starting a family and all that adult stuff. It's scary. I am looking forward to it, but right now, I'd rather spend my time with my friends (those who remain my true friends), travel the world, make some spontaneous purchases, find someone or multiple people to call my own and all that other stuff. It's wayyyy too early for me to settle down.

Other than uni, I guess it's just been work, hanging out, spending money here and there, work, and all of the above.

The journey home

My sister has been home for almost a week already, and fair enough, she's jet lagged and adjusting to the weather, but that doesn't excuse yourself! You're home now, meaning you should start cleaning up after yourself like you haven't been gone for freaking 3 months!

But at the same time, it a plus for me, because now I can bludge away like she was never gone for 3 months and neglect my chores =P .. Kidding! ahahahaha

People these days (yes... it's back!)

A friend and I were talking a couple of days ago, about how some people don't understand that you can't keep hiding behind your personality. For example, a slutty girl fucks around with her best friends boyfriend. She says sorry to her best friend, but it's okay, because well she's a slut. Well, I guess that was kinda a bad example, but you get my point right?

Couple of days ago, this guy I know, claims to be best friends with this other girl I know. This guy doesn't want to write a little message saying "goodbye", because he is shy and doesn't know what to write. I see this situation from both angles. Yes, your shy. It's hard to open up to someone who is really close to you, that words on a piece of paper cannot describe. But since you've put the title of "best-friends" with one another, isn't is right for the "best-friend" to WANT to write something? I know if my best friend didn't want to write something for me, I'd be devastated. Oh, and the excuse of "I'm sorry, ofcourse I love you" .. is NOT a reason. I'm sorry honey. These type of people need to understand that no matter where you are, you gotta speak up! MAN THE FREAK UP! I don't care if this person reads this, they should know to man up!

Another story; today at uni, my friends and I were walking together to our class, little did we know we were walking in a line (yes awkward and strange), but in the distance are four other people in the same course as us walking towards us, well not really just walking pass. But as soon as we walked pass, we heard the whole group giggle. First thing I thought of was, WTF is so funny?! One of these girls just so happens to be someone who we constantly help because she CONSTANTLY as we like to call it "wall-hijacking" on facebook asking for help with uni. EXCUSE ME! You are not king shit, because you live on campus and think you own the fucking uni! And EXCUSE ME to that girl, where's the thanks for all the help we've given you over the past year and a half of uni? I haven't heard one thanks from you biatch! It's people like that who think they rule the world. Where in high school, we king shit's who looked down upon people and laughed at their flaws and the stupid things they've done. Well F.Y.I to the four of you, you're gonna stay stuck-up biatchs, all alone wishing you were a better person when you were younger. HAVE A GREAT LIFE!

TAKE ME AWAY!

Honestly just wanna jump in a hole and stay there, away from everyone and everything! Uni is just so argh! right now. So many freaking assessments, so many things to do and they expect us to keep some sort of balance. Work is a pain too. I thought I was getting over the whole ordeal with me being fired because I'm too expensive, but honestly I'm wondering now if it's all worth it. Again, I'm only happy on some occassions and I can only put on a smile for so long.

Right now, I just wanna run away to some tropical island, away from any homework, assessments, essays, away from work, everyone at work, everyone here. Just need to get away!

There's just so many emotions running through me right now, it's hard to keep up with it and it's hard to tell anyone. Anger, depression, jealousy (O-M-G, don't even know why I am jealous to be honest!), betrayal, lonely. The list goes freaking on. Just really need a vacation .. REALLY NEED ONE!!!!

One of those days

I seem to be using my blog purely to bitch and vent about society and the type of people I'm (we really) are forced to live with.

The other week, I spent five days with my friends up in Nelson's Bay, drinking on the beach, sipping wine on the balcony, playing monopoly and jenga and sharing bubble baths. One night we decide a bonfire on the beach would be nice. So anyway, after MANY failed attempts to get a fire running, we finally get one running. Until, three teenage bogans walk pass. One claimed to know one of us, the other was rummaging through our alcohol stash and the other was "helping" to keep our fire alive, by continually spraying oil into the fire and deciding it will be okay to put a full can of oil in the fire. DICKHEAD! Like I said, the other bogan, casually rummaging through our alcohol, which I might add was one beer and two chick drinks, takes the box and walks off. The stupid bogan who decided, yeah I'm gonna watch what happens to their oil in the fire, thinks he's such a sick cunt by threatening us.

"My brother and his nine mates are up the road from here, so don't do anything stupid."

You know what your faggot, YOUR THE STUPID ONE! Don't think just because you talk like your king shit does not mean you are king shit! It's people like you that really give our generation a bad name. FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BOGAN FRIENDS! WHO THE FUCK STEALS TWO CHICK DRINKS AND A BEER ? WHO?! And then who threatens people like that? IF YOU HAD THE BALLS YOU'D DO IT YOURSELF DICKHEAD! GROW A PAIR AND FUCKING GET A LIFE! YOUR ALL TALK AND FULL OF SHIT!!!

Enough about the bogans, today at work, I was put on cashier for like, the first time. And there was this one customer, she had a son and a daughter and another kid (don't know if they were related). But what irritated me was how long she took to order. Her young son took the courtesy to place an order, but this woman! I swear! I wanted to slap her face! She made one order, and took almost another ten minutes to make another order! Once she decided on something, she would stop and talk to the lady behind her about her weekend. Her kids could see the frustration on my face. She completely ignored me and continued to talk to this random woman behind her. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! THERE IS A BLOODY LONG LINE BEHIND YOU, I HAVE NO TIME TO HAVE YOU TALK TO SOME RANDOM WHILE OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TO SUFFER WAITING! One, its rude to ignore someone who is taking your order, and two, its rude to keep others waiting! FUCKING HAVE SOME COURTESY AND TALK SOMEWHERE ELSE! After I took her order, she kept talking to this woman. I asker her to move as her order would take some time, so she moves literally, one step back in the middle of this massive cluster of waiting customers. BITCH, MOVE!

GRRRRRRR! It's people like that woman that make me hate work and it's stupid kids like those in Nelson's Bay that make me wanna jump off a cliff and land face first on a massive rock and have some dog shit on me!

"I feel the pain of everyone, now i feel nothing"

There are many advantages of having an older brother or sister. For example, depending on the size of your older sibling, you can borrow clothes. I always find that my sister has exceptional fashion sense. Another thing is that you can ask for advice on anything, school, boys/girls, life, pretty much whatever they've been through which you may be experiencing now.

I remember when I was about eleven years old, i just finished year 6 and i was on holidays. My sister just finished year ten and was about to start year eleven next door. I had the chicken pox which i caught from my niece who although was "recovering" from the pox hugged me and coughed on me in the car, thus transmitting the disease to me. I noticed something awfully strange about something "downstairs", and like the shy girl that i am, i said nothing. Mum finally realised something was up when i refused to sit down, lie down and always walked around the house sideways. She said, "turn around Sasha". At that moment she knew what it was and asked my sister to explain it to me. If you haven't caught my drift yet, you should know by now.

So i was in the CR, door locked and staring at this new "contraption". My sister on the other side of the door was saying, "peel the little tab looking thingy". And yeah, the rest i dont think i should describe =P. From that moment i finally realised what wisdom my sister had and how much i wanted to emulate her.

Your probably thinking, what relevance did my story have to whatever i'm on about. Well, like any factor in life, when you have advantages you must have disadvantages. And i think the MAJOR disadvantage of having an older sibling is ofcourse, the fact that your parents just LOVE to compare the two of you, in good ways and bad. For example, grades. I know thousands of people who are always compared to their older siblings based on their grades. "Why aren't you as smart as your brother?", "How come he got an award and you didn't?", "If you sister can get an A then you can definitely get an A". I guess it's sort of a motivation to prove to them you can do it, and that you can actually do better than your older sibling, but at the same time its kind of an insult.

I hate being compared to my sister. I'm fine with people saying that i look like my sister or she looks like me. Whatever, we're sisters, we're mean't to. But what i hate most especially coming from my own mother, is her constant nagging about physical appearance and weight. I mean i know i'm fat. I live my life everyday looking at all these skinny people in uni, blacktown, on the street, in magazines, movies, EVERYWHERE far out and thinking how the hell do they do it? And i hate it when skinny people call themselves fat. GET A FUCKING GRIP PEOPLE!!! you are not fat, you must be mentally screwed to think that you're fat.

Today my mum and sister went to blacktown today for grocery shopping and i stayed home to watch a video for a test. My sister comes home with all these new clothes and my mum followed her, i pretty much closed my room so that i could concentrate on my test and through the walls i could hear, "OH MY GOSH MONICA! You've lost so much weight! You look so skinny now." and even though this was in a quiet whisper i could hear my mum say "now it's Sasha turn to lose weight". I think my mum seriously does that to piss me off. She does it everyday! Everyday of my stinking, miserable life. She torments me about it, she constantly reminds me of the "apple of her eye" (my sister) and how much she would want me to emulate that. And even though i said i want to emulate my sister, i dont want to be EXACTLY like her. My mum just loves to get me depressed, it's like, thanks mum for your KIND and MOTIVATING words. GAH!!!! Sometimes having an older sister really pisses me off.

My sister knows how i feel about it all. Everytime my mum compares me to her, my sister changes the subject because she also knows what it's like to be compared and constantly poked out until they get the message. I mean she is my older sister. She's been there for me when no one else was. She helped me in my prepubescent days with the boys, the physical changes. She's always there to make me laugh. I really don't take the time to appreciate that or tell her that.